Love Sick Humor!
by CTRsoccer
Summary: My friends and I were high on life. It is very funny, and odd !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's the Best! Just read it!!!! :-)
1. The Helpless Chicken

Author's sidekick's note: Hi! I'm Sana-chan and I must say sorry for my "friend's" brain, the fact that she doesn't have one I understand but you might not. It is infact possible that you can live with out having a brain. My "Friend" is living prof of it. Enjoy.

Ohh! Wait!!! I have to tell you that each chapter is going to be a different author, but telling it from a diff. point of view. If you are confused, don't worry so am I and just read it and eat. Enjoy! 

**The Helpless Chicken**

It was nearing nightfall and the sun was succumbing to the night's sultry caresses. The bright blue of the Heavens were slowly fading away into the grim hours of darkness. From the majestic trees of the Forbidden Forest emerged a small dot, crossing ever so slowly across the plain. Soon a large gargantuan of a person could be seen, creeping cautiously, as if not wanting to be seen. A small, wrapped package lay clutched tightly in his massive hand. He had been traveling all day, and the sight of his humble cabin eased his troubled mind and weary body. He reached the door of his cabin and quickly shut the door. At last. But what if someone saw him? Suddenly, his blood rushed cold. From the depths of his dark room came a large jaw, which gnawed at his pants. He turned his face and found himself staring into the jovial eyes of his pet boarhound. Finally somewhat relieved, he felt that whatever happened from then on wouldn't matter. He now had his greatest source of power that would bring him much more pleasure then any simple wand. The large man, Hagrid, opened the package over the table and carefully emptied its contents. Out fell a most peculiar fabric. It was small, black and shiny. He had traded 3 dragon's eggs and all his life savings for it. He had also traveled far in a foreign country to get this most elusive object. The merchants had said it gives one great comfort. "Now, my precious we can be together forever." Hagrid gently picked up the thong and slipped it on. From then on, a new, more laid-back Hagrid was alive. People all around him became jealous and lusted for his secret. It was preposterous. Hagrid was flirting left and right with all the ladies of the house. Every time he walked by a female body, it blushed. Something definately had to be done. 

Then, one day, an absolution came. While sunbathing in nothing but, you know, a thong, Hagrid was suddenly disturbed by a large crash and bang. Out of nowhere a blur of black and white crashed into his face. Hagrid groaned and passed out. When he came to he found himself staring into the face of one like no other. "Well, I see that you are alive so I'll be leaving now," said the voice emotionlessly. Hagrid's eyes had fully adjusted just as the person was walking away. He immediately noticed that it was female. Hagrid saw that this girl was not taken away by his charms like all the other women. In fact, she gave him no attention whatsoever. Hagrid knew that this woman was one of a kind and he immediately lusted after her. 

" Wait!" yelled Hagrid, "I must speak to you!" The woman turned around and gave him a look so intense that every hair on his back rose.

"Like, what do you want?" said the girl. Pointing to her ball the girl spoke in cold tone, " Well, duh. Isn't it obvious, I was like playing soccer and you totally got in my way. And because you were too slow to move, you got hit. You like deserved it for being lazy, like totally."

" Oh I see." said Hagrid who was feeling more attracted to her every minute. "Well, umm I think that I need to go to the hospital wing so could you take me there," said Hagrid with a droopy, puppy-doggish look on his face.

"Like no way, I have no time to take your sorry body to the hospital. I've got much more important things to do on my list."

"Huh, well how can I get on the top of that list?" Hagrid mumbled aside while quickly wiping a bit of saliva that had drooled out his mouth.

"Like what did you say."

"Oh nothing, ummm, I just wanted to get your name so I could fill out an accident report to get insurance coverage," Said Hagrid, lying.

"Well, the name's Brittany and like Get out of my face! Don't ever like bother me again or I'll have to like hurt you." Brittany clutched the soccer ball and ran off.

With a glazed look Hagrid floated back down to the ground. "oh Brittany, Brittany, like the sound of sunshine, lilies and sumptuos rock cakes. Oh Brittany believe me, even hurting me is better than being ignored. Oh I'll do anything to win your heart. Anything."


	2. Maybe so Maybe not

Author's note: Hi. In this Chapter the story is almost the same as the first. What we are going to do is take all of our (me and my "friends") diff. viewpoint's and get them to the same time. Then we will go back and move on with the story. But first we have to get all of the stories in and up to date. Sorry if I have confused you! Enjoy!

****

*Lindsay's POV*

Maybe so Maybe not

"No, way! I can't believe it!" Lindsay yelled. She had just heard of Hagrid and his silky black thong. She thought that it sounded sexy, and that he is very bold. "Thanks Krista! I'll see you tonight." Lindsay said to Krista, who has dark brown/black hair to her shoulders and brown eyes. Lindsay's cold brown eyes looked happy to the thought of Hagrid in his thong. Lindsay, a Slytherin, like Krista, but a taller girl, with light brown hair cut right at her chin ran to Hagrid's hut. When she got there she saw one of her best friends leaving from Hagrid's front yard. Lindsay didn't know if she was there to talk to Hagrid or to goggle at him, but that didn't sound like her. She liked to do stuff differently and not follow the crowd. She had her favorite possession in her arms well leaving, her beloved soccer ball. "Brittany! Brittany!"

"Oh, hi Lindsay. And don't call me 'Brittany', you're my friend you can call me your master." They laughed for a bit, "No but call me Britt, or BB, or even Sana-chan, just not that horrid name." Brittany stuck out her tongue at the thought of her friend calling her that. 

"O.K. 'Sana-chan'. Why are you down here?" 

"Oh, I was playing soccer and I hit that big buffoon over there. What a freak! He stands there saying how I need to give him my name to get my insurance or some thing. He should know that I'm only a 5th year and I don't have any. Just because I'm rich, doesn't mean that I like to fill out paper work. Why are you here?" Well Brittany was going on and on, Lindsay was gazing fondly over at Hagrid, who was looking at Brittany. But Lindsay thought that he was staring at her, Which she liked. 

"Oh…" She snapped back to reality when she heard the question at hand. "I came down to, to, to ask Hagrid about dogs." It was the first thing that came to mind that would be a good reason to talk to him. 

"You're kidding me right? I mean he is so dumb, anyways you should know that I can help you and I probably know way, more than him. So come on, up to the castle and I'll help you." From the look of disappointment on Lindsay's face she figured why she had really came down here, but she couldn't let her friend talk to that freak, and she most definitely couldn't let her friend like him. That was just too gross to think of! She gave Lindsay a smile that basically said if you are thinking what I think that you are, your dead. 

Author: That's all for now! I will prob. have the next chapter out in a day or two so please review, they make me in a better mood so then I am well, duh, Happy! So review! I'll try to e-mail everyone that reviews (if it's signed or has an e-mail address)! Love ya!

  * Sana-chan 


	3. Kitty Crystal

  
Author's Note: Anything.  
  
  
  
Kitty Crystal  
  
  
Meanwhile, in the dangerous pit that is also known as the commons room for the Slytherins, Crystal stood up and walked to her respectable dormitory, where she jumped up onto her bed and gazed about the room to see that to her liking, no one appeared to be there. She was alone. She gave an evil grin, like no other and began to purr. Crystal then pulled out some black satiny material from under her bed mattress. She slowly ran it across her face and began to jump on the bed yelping. "I'm cat girl beware, and I steal from the stupid and give to the………….(she stopped and thought), to the me!" She hastily pulled off her luscious robes and slipped into the silky smooth kitty costume. She slipped off of her bed and ran the built in nails up her legs and then tapped them on her face until she felt shivers rippling up and down her spine. Quickly, Crystal dashed to the window and felt a sudden urge to pivot on the window sill. The thing is, Crystal was not exactly the thinnest of people and she didn't fit into the sill as expected and she slipped and fell. She screamed the whole foot down to the ground. THUMP* She then dashed to nearby brush and hid. She then thought to herself, wait, what am I gonna do now? She popped her head over the brush and looked around, hoping to see something to torture and do. Sure enough, she saw Hagrid through his window with two girls in the front yard bickering over him. Crystal had always had a secret crush on Hagrid, but it was only because of the thong he wore, for it was made of the same material as her cat costume, and it would look great considering all superheroes wear their underwear on the outside. "I MUST GET THAT THONG!! hasakakonea!" Hasakakonea is the war cry of Crystal, she yells it when she sees something she wants and thinks something that is somewhat intelligent. She spotted Brittany and Lindsay leaving the area back to the castle and Crystal decided to follow them in stealth mode.  
  
  
Author's Note: Goat…..meh   



End file.
